Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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