my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
