i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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