I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
