how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
