You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
