dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize