I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
