Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
