well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
