I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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