ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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