it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
