i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
