Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
