the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
