i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
