He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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