i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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