dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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