dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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