You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
