he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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