either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
