true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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