So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Randomize
