Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
