It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
