So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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