There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
