Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
