i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
