You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
