My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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