I want to have your abortion
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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