At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
