talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Randomize
