they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
