The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
