I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
