I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
