I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
