When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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