I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You pole danced in your parka.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
