I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize