This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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