she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
