i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
