I met the friendliest cop last night
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
