garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
