My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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