I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
