"it" just moved
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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