I wish I could teleport
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
