i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
This is classic penis vs brain.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
