And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
