I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
