roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
