dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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