im having a threesome with these popsicles
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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