And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
