three words: i give head
three words: not that well
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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