Do you still have your period?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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