she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
The feeling are messing with the penis
My breasts were aching with rage.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
