it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
