Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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