is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
